


You're home.

by destielgivesmethefeels



Category: Supernatural
Genre: Angst, Angst with a Happy Ending, Castiel Has Self-Esteem Issues, Destiel Angst, First Kiss, Fluff and Angst, M/M, Self-Esteem Issues, abondonment issues
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2016-06-10
Updated: 2016-06-10
Packaged: 2018-07-14 06:15:08
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,150
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/7156853
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/destielgivesmethefeels/pseuds/destielgivesmethefeels
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>I'm not good with summary so please just read read and give me your opinions. I really want to improve my writing</p>
            </blockquote>





	You're home.

Sitting in the 67 Impala, Castiel takes in a whiff of the familiar smell of gun powder and motor oil. Some may argue that it is somewhat of an unpleasant odor, but to Cas it is anything but; to him it is the most comforting scent to ever exist, better than any aromatherapy, simply because it reminds him of the Winchesters - of the people whom he is lucky enough to call friends - of Sam and Dean, who are now sitting in the front. 

Dean is casually driving “baby”, as he so endearingly calls the vintage car, with the perpetual faint hint of a frown on his brows, his lips pursed in concentration. By his side, Sam has his eyes closed and head rested against the old leathery material of the seats, his chestnut hair, which looks rather like a mane, flowing graciously in the wind coming in from the open window. Both of them are covered in dirt and bloodstains, their faces blemished by bruises and cuts as the result of their latest encounter with demons. Notwithstanding, they seem at peace, which makes Castiel feel at peace. But there is still something deep down tugging at him, weighing down on his shoulders.

Determined not to let his internal turmoil mar the moment, Cas tries his hardest to bury his feelings, something of which he finds himself forming a habit recently. Looking out the window, he indulges himself in the splendour of the scenery. The sun is slowly retreating, glazing the invariably blue sky and a few specks of somnolent white cloud with a caramel hue. The rocky mountains afar gives the horizon a rough and uneven edge, yet Cas find them oddly delicate, as though a well-woven sheet of silk. And soon enough, he is slipping into blissful oblivion, unaware of his surroundings but for the beauty before his eyes.

When they halt to a stop, the sky has already been overlaid with complete darkness, embellished with bright stars. The forest is perfectly quiet, with the exception of the rustling leaves. The ground is illuminated by the cold luminescence of the full moon. Startled by a knock on the window, Cas snapped out of his trance, noticing that he was the only on left the antique mobile.

“Hey, stop daydreaming… Well, night-dreaming… Whatever, just get out of the car”, Dean said, walking to the trunk to get their bags.

And just like that the dreadful feeling creeps back inside Cas, making his stomach churn. The hunt is over and he has definitely overstayed his welcome. Obviously, Dean and Sam are thoroughly annoyed by his prolonged presence. He knows it is time for him to leave, he should have left as soon as his job was done like he always does, but this time his rational part has failed to stop him when he decided to go with the brothers.

Stepping out of the car, he inhales the fresh earthy smell of the woods as a cool breeze dances on his pale skin, all of which would be very relaxing were it not for the clenching pain in his chest. Once again, Cas is brought back to his senses by the deep, warm voice of Dean. “What are you doing just standing there like that?”, he asked with a tone of accusation before walking inside the bunker, leaving the door wide open.

“I should get that for him”, Cas thinks. And that is all he is intent on doing when he walks towards the bunker. But upon arriving at the doorframe, he is hit with an irresistible warmth, making him stop abruptly. It is so inviting, almost taunting him. Maybe he should come inside. But Dean just practically said it to his face that he didn’t want him here. It would just be for a little while though. And Cas could try to be as quiet as possible, maybe then they wouldn’t notice. But what if they see him, he doesn’t think they would be very pleased with that.

After debating with himself for a good few minutes, Cas takes hesitant steps inside. He stops at the balcony, looking down silently at the brothers. They are talking cheerfully with each other, laughing every so often. It makes Castiel’s lips curve up into a small smile to see them in a rare moment of contentment. He then walks down the metal stairs, allowing himself to take a little tour, careful not to make a sound. He doesn’t want to be turned away just yet.

The kitchen has always been his favourite place in the bunker. Standing in the middle of the room, he notices that the counter has been wiped clean, the chairs are in their rightful places and the plates are stacked neatly in in the dishwasher. It all looks nothing out of the ordinary. Perhaps, that is why he loves this place so much. He loves the normality. He loves the fact that it looks just like every other kitchen in every other home.

 _ **Home**_. Such a simple word. Yet, it feels so foreign to Cas. Probably because he has never had one.

Heaven? It never felt right, he never felt like he belonged there. His brothers and sisters seemed distant, emotionless, to say the least. But then again, they were created to be soldiers, that was how they were supposed to be. That was how he was supposed to be. He was never meant to think or feel. He was the freak not them.

And here, on Earth, among all these humans who know what it is to think, to feel? He expected to fit in but it did not quite turn out that way. Everything, _everyone_ is so drastically different, alien even. The harder he tries blend in, the more estranged he feels. The longer he stays, the stronger the emotion becomes, the more overwhelming they get. It all is too much for him.

But at least he’s got the Winchesters, right? He would love to think so too. To think that they consider him a friend as he does them. To think that they care about him enough to keep him around. But it would be asking for too much. He knows that to the brothers he is just another angel. And a lousy one at that. He is simply a tool that they use when they need to and only to be discarded afterwards. He has tried to accept the fact but it still hurts somewhat awful. He just wishes that one day they would see him as something, someone more than that.

His eyes is starting to prickle with tears threatening to fall when a voice startled him. “Ahem…”. Turning around, he sees Dean leaning against the wall, staring straight at him. His eyes are dead serious, burning holes through Cas. He wants to look away but unable to. It is as if he has been paralyzed by those leaf green pools.

“What are you doing? “, Dean inquires monotonously, making Cas even more unease.

“I-I was just leaving. I’m sorry.” Cas replies in a soft hush, almost inaudible, taking heavy steps towards the doors all the while trying to hide the fact that he is aching inside. What was the point of letting him know how he feels anyway. Why would Dean even care.

As soon as the words leaves Cas’ lips, Dean’s brows crease into a frown. Cas doesn’t like it. He’s never liked it when Dean frowns. He should always be smiling, he deserves to. Cas wants to reach out and smooth the frown but resists the urge, for Cas knows. Dean doesn’t say it directly but Cas knows why it is there. It is because of him and his pathetic self. He should have left. He knew it. He shouldn’t have stayed. He is so selfish that he has upset Dean again. He is so blindly foolish.

But as he moves pass Dean, he is unexpectedly stopped. Dean has grasped his wrist tightly with his hand. Dean's palm is calloused and rough from throwing punches and shooting guns but it still feel so warm against Cas' skin, guaranteed to leave a tingling sensation. After staring at the pleasant surprise for a while, Cas looks up to see the same deadpan look on Dean’s face, his lips pressed together in a straight line before they open. “ You’re not going anywhere”, each word punctuated sternly, resembling a statement.

“Huh…?”, Cas stutters. For a multidimensional celestial being he sure does sound stupid. The look on Cas’ face right now must be of nothing but pure and utter confusion. “But I thought you didn’t want me here. The case is over, I’m not of much use anymore. I should go, I would just be in you way if I stay”, he continues after a much too long pause.

“Huh…?”. And now it’s Dean’s turn to sound and look intellectually incapacitated. “What makes you think that we want you here simply because we can ‘use’ you?” he inquires somewhat angrily.

Cas hangs his head low in inexplicable shame, finding himself at a loss for word. He has managed to irritate Dean again. It seems like it is the only that he can do. Of course Dean doesn’t want him there because he can use him. What can he possibly be useful for anyway.

But Dean surprises him when he throws his arms around Cas, holding him in a tight embrace. Although his shoulders initially stiffen in shock, Cas soon relaxes and allows himself to melt into Dean, enjoying the gratifying treat. Dean feels so solid yet so soft at the same time. His strong arms wraps themselves around Cas, pulling him closer still. Cas lavishes himself in the calming heat and musky smell radiating from Dean. His face is now flushed against Dean’s chest, enabling him to hear the beat of his heart. Cas has rebuilt Dean with his own hands, piece by piece, he has grown all too familiar with every atom in Dean’s body but the sound of Dean’s heart never ceases to amaze him, hypnotize him, rooting him to the spot. Its steady pace bears much more elegance and beauty than any symphony that Mozart or Beethoven could have composed.

After standing in complete silence, wrapped safely in each other’s embrace for a blissful ten minutes, they awkwardly part, Dean’s hands still gripping tightly at either side of Cas. “Listen Cas”, Dean begins softly, “ I know that I can be a dick sometimes… Well, most of the time. I know that I say shit that may hurt your feelings. But please believe that I never, not in a million years, mean any of that crap. Because… Because you mean a lot to me, to Sam, to us. We don’t want you around because you are useful. We want you here because to us you are family, Cas. And to me, you are more than just family, you are… I-I… Damn it! Sorry, Cas. You know I’m not exactly an expert when it comes to these chick flick moments. What I want to say is that I l- Hmph”

Before Dean has the chance to finish his sentence, Cas’ lips is crashed against his, his arms clinging on his neck. Cas has never kissed anyone or been kissed before. But with Dean it seems to come so easily as if by instinct. Together, they move in a passionate rhythm. Dean’s lips are softer than Cas could have ever imagined, so sweet and addicting. Dean licks Cas’ lower lip, asking for permission which Cas gladly grants. His velvety tongue runs over Cas’ gingerly, then proceeds to explore every inch of his mouth, moving slowly to savour the luscious taste.

Pulling apart, the couple rest the foreheads against each other, their lips hovering, almost touching and their breaths fanning their faces. Dean looks down at the smaller angel, grinning like a fool. “ I don’t know what that was but I would very much appreciate it if you can do it again to help me figure it out”, to which Cas responses by lightly punching his shoulders, laughing for real for the first time in forever.

“Cas,” Dean lifts his chin up until they are looking at each other again, his voice now holds a more serious note,” You know I meant every word I said, right? You mean more to us, to me than someone who just help us out. And you are welcomed to stay here for as long as you want, at least until you get bored of me. This is our home, Cas. You’re home.”

This time it is Cas who is grinning like a fool. _**Home**_. He finally has somewhere and _someone_ to call home. The thought makes his heart flutter something erratically, filling him with a delightful warmth.

For once, he belongs. For once, he knows he is wanted, he is loved


End file.
